#im just panicking before new season

[tommygotwrittenoff]

i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.

[billybob598]

Were You Gay-Panicking? (Kyra Cooney-Cross x Reader)

IM BACKKKKK!!! Here's my bi-monthly fic :) I'm actually kinda proud of this one, felt like some good writing. Anyhoo enjoy bitches! As always, any feedback good or bad is welcomed! PEACE

Summary: (first time doing one of these) A few months ago, Kyra had no idea who you were. Now? Now, she was gay panicking everytime she was in the same room as you.

Word Count: 4.6K (WTF?!?!?!?!?!)

Kyra didn’t exactly know how to feel about you. Sure, you were Aussie. Sure, you were an amazing fullback who could run forever and never seem winded. Sure, you were quite possibly the sweetest person ever. Sure, you were stunningly beautiful. Kyra paused, her eyes locked onto you as you laughed that adorable laugh at something Katie had said. Okay, the thing about you being beautiful kind of slipped out. It’s not like it’s not true though. You did have this just natural beauty to you, you barely wore makeup, but you still shone in Kyra’s eyes.

 It was crazy that the two of you had never met before. You were roughly the same age, both Australian and now both Gunners. Unlike Kyra, you’re career up until this point had been riddled with injuries and unfortunate coincidences. Despite being an integral part of the Arsenal squad and having a breakout year last season, you were still not chosen for the World Cup, or any national team camps for that matter. Kyra had heard plenty about you from Steph and Caitlin, she had also seen you a bit on a few of the other Arsenal players' socials. You did have an Instagram account, but you rarely posted. Any true Arsenal fan knew who you were, but casual fans and Matildas’ fans probably hadn’t heard of you. You preferred to work in the background, you weren’t a big extrovert and your personality was more closed off so, consequently you weren’t insanely popular with the fans. So, when Kyra officially met you she had no idea how you weren’t the most liked player.

4 months ago

After finishing some of the required videos and finally signing her contract for The Arsenal, Kyra found herself wandering around the grounds. She had a few minutes until she was supposed to be at a press conference introducing all of the new signings, so she figured she could start exploring London Colney a bit more. As she passes through the locker room she hears some noise coming from the pitch. The distinctive sound of a boot colliding with a ball lures the Australian outside. The scent of fresh-cut grass and marking paint rushes into Kyra’s nose, bringing a soft smile to her face. Another ball gets kicked on the other side of the field. Turning her head, the midfielder is met with the sight of the prettiest woman she’s ever laid eyes on. She watched in awe at how your muscles flexed each time you struck the ball, her breath catching in her throat when you turn around. Your beautifully Y/E/C eyes glimmering, the sun hitting them just right. 

“Oh, sorry. I thought the field was open.” You mutter quietly, your face heating up slightly. 

“Uhm, it’s alright. I’m not here to play or anything. I mean-uh, well actually I am here to play, but not right now. At least I don’t think rig-” Kyra stumbles through her sentences until your giggle cuts her off. She blushes at the sound.

“No, I get what you mean,” you both stand there awkwardly, shifting your weight from foot to foot nervously, “Well, I should probably get going.”

“Wait! Uhh, I mean you sound Australian, you are right?” Kyra asks, desperate to keep the conversation going.

“Yeah, yeah I am. I’m from Geraldton, you?” Your voice is quiet, but Kyra is already in love with it. 

“Herston, have you ever been?” 

“Yeah, I mean I’ve been to Brisbane, it’s nice.” The conversation comes to a awkward lull, Kyra can see how nervous you are. 

“I’m Kyra by the way.”  She extends her hand out to you. Glancing at it, you smile softly and take it.

“I know, Caitlin and Steph never shut up about you. I’m Y/N, Y/N Y/L/N.” 

“You’re the Y/N Y/L/N? Holy shit, Caitlin and Steph never shut up about you.” A small blush forms on your cheeks. Kyra swoons at how flustered you look. She takes another second to admire everything about you. Just as she went to speak again a voice from behind her called out, telling her the press conference was about to start. “I’m really sorry, I’ve got to go. It was nice meeting you, I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah.” With one last smile, Kyra begins to back up and then turns and jogs to the man waiting for her. Tentatively, you touch your cheeks where the blush was still, very prominently, there. 

2 months ago

You watch from afar as Kyra, Caitlin, and Steph swing around from the bars singing along to Strawberry Kisses. A smile appears on your face when Kyra lets out a loud, silly laugh. 

A voice startles you out of your love-possesed trance, “You know, you’re really not subtle, like, at all.” 

“Shut up, Beth.” The England national smirks and for the next fifteen minutes proceeds to tease you about your developing crush on the new signing. 

“Okay, Beth, I think she gets it.” Your saviour, Viv, intervenes after her girlfriend makes a kissy face aimed towards you and Kyra. Beth groans and mumbles something about Viv not being any fun. Viv lets you go back to watching Kyra workout/goof around for a few moments before throwing her two cents in,

“You like her? Like, like like her?”

You sigh, “I don’t know yet. Would it be terrible if I did?” 

Viv shakes her head with a small chuckle, “Would it be terrible if you found someone you really liked and someone who is genuinely a good person? No, it’s not that bad.” You roll your eyes. 

“It feels pretty terrible. But, I guess it’s not too bad, especially since she’s never gonna like me back.” The older woman gives you a look, one that screams “you’ve got to be joking right now”. You and Viv had a certain connection to each other. Both of you were introverts on a team full of extroverts, so it was nice to have someone who didn’t mind just sitting in peace and quiet without any of the pressure of having to be “on”. 

“If Kyra liking you back is so crazy, then why is she staring at you right now with literal heart eyes?” Your head whips forward to find Kyra already looking at you. A blush was already creeping up your neck and you hadn’t even held eye contact for more than two seconds. 

Kyra is watching you carefully when your head turns to look at her. Her heart flutters when your cheeks tint red. A sense of pride swells in her chest at being able to make you blush.

“You two make me sick,” Caitlin says from behind Kyra. Steph is quick to shush the younger Aussie,

“They’re just in love, Cait. You can’t stop young love,” she says an annoying smirk tugging at her lips. Kyra rolls her eyes at her national teammates antics. 

“We are not in love. She definitely doesn’t like me, mate.”

“Sure,” Caitlin drawls out, seemingly unconvinced. 

“She doesn’t. I’m like 1000% sure.”

“Then why does she blush everytime you look at her, smile at her, or laugh?” Steph says, amused.

“Wh-What? No, she doesn’t. I think I’d notice.” The two older Aussies share a look, then they grab Kyra’s head and force it to look at you. Your eyes widen when you and Kyra make eye contact, heat already rushing up to your cheeks. She gives you a warm smile which does nothing to help your burning cheeks. Deciding that you’ve had enough biking for today, you step off the bike extremely ungracefully, bumping into everything and everyone. Kyra giggles from across the gym, her Australian friends rolling their eyes. 

“See? You two are so in love,” Steph tries to convince the younger girl. A frown replaces the small smile on Kyra’s face when you leave the gym,

“Whatever. You guys suck.”

2 weeks ago

“Y/N? Did you hear me?” Tony Gustavsson’s calm voice brings you back to reality. 

“Oh, uh, yes sir. I mean, yes coach. Thank you so, so much, I won’t let you down, I promise.” Your voice is shaky and weak. Someone’s warm hand covers yours, lifting your head up, your met with Kyra grinning from ear-to-ear. Returning her smile, you say your goodbyes to Tony and place the phone down carefully on the kitchen counter.

 You were, once again, at Kyra’s apartment. The two of you had grown closer over the past few months, unknowingly both of you had swallowed down your feelings for each other, convinced the other didn’t feel the same. It was driving the rest of the team crazy, and it was about to get worse. Finally, you had gotten your first call-up to the national team.

You and Kyra had been cozied up on her couch, watching a Christmas movie (because it’s never too early to start is it?) when your phone had began to ring. Of course, Kyra had already received her call a few days ago. It was hardly surprising, after the World Cup and with her recent performances for Arsenal she was an obvious choice for the last two friendlies of 2023. You, on the other hand, had long given up your dream of playing for the national team. Being a little bit older than Kyra and a lot more injury prone, your caps for the Matildas stood at a resounding, zero. You had never even been to a camp. So, last year when Tony never so much as gave you a call, you put your Matildas dreams behind you and focused on your club football.

“Who is it?” Kyra mumbles sleepily, she had been on the verge of falling asleep, it was impossible not to. You were perfectly situated between her legs, your head resting comfortably on her chest. The movie did little to distract her from the scent of your perfume infiltrating the hoodie she was wearing. 

“I don’t know, Ky. It looks like an Australian number.” 

“Wait, I know whose number that is.” She says, now fully awake.

“Who?”

She takes a deep breath, trying to hide her smile, “It’s Tony’s. Like Tony Gustavsson. The head coach of-”

“Yes, I know who Tony Gustavsson is! You don’t think he’s calling to invite me to camp is he?” You exclaim, your nerve levels rising as the phone continues to ring.

“Only one way to find out.” 

Standing up, phone in hand, you take a breath before accepting the call. Kyra sits up on the couch, her hands loosening her grip on your waist. 

“Hello?” Slowly making your way to the kitchen, Kyra only catches your side of the conversation. She takes a seat at the counter watching nervously as you pace back and forth in front of her. You pause. It looks like you’re trying to process everything. “Oh, uh, yes sir. I mean, yes coach. Thank you so, so much, I won’t let you down, I promise.” A full-on grin breaks out onto Kyra’s face, she reaches across the counter and takes a hold of your hand. After hanging up, there is silence in the small apartment for a few seconds. 

“So?” Kyra prompts softly.

“I’m going to play for fucking Australia!” You shout excitedly. You both squeal happily, Kyra rushes over and brings you into a tight hug. 

“Now we’re national teammates as well!” Kyra says into your neck, her heart pounding as you laugh your beautiful laugh.

Over the next few days Kyra helps you pack for camp, telling you all of the basic information you’d need to survive while also filling you in on all of the important bits about the team itself. Who’s friends with who, what not to say to this person, why this person acts like this. She was surprisingly helpful. So, when you, Kyra, Caitlin, and Steph boarded the flight to Australia you actually felt pretty prepared. Kyra sat beside you on the flight, chatting your ear off, you didn’t really mind though. It was how your friendship went. Kyra would talk about anything and everything, while you listened carefully, never ignoring her. She found it endearing how you remembered everything she said, sometimes she didn’t even remember herself. 

An few hours into the flight, Steph leans across the aisle asking Kyra if she knew who is supposed to bring them to the hotel when they land. Kyra remembers saying something to you about it so she turns and taps your shoulder. Taking out one of your earbuds, you look at them, raising an eyebrow. 

“Uh, do you know who’s supposed to be picking us up? I think I said something about it to you,” Kyra asks quietly, so as not to interrupt the other passengers.

“William.” You answer plainly. Kyra nods while Steph watches in shock.

“How in the hell did you know that? You don’t even know who that is.”

“Kyra told me last night, she also told me that she couldn’t wait to ride the ferry to Vancouver Island when we get to Canada.” Kyra blushes. 

“I can’t believe you remember that,” she says, slightly embarrassed. 

“It’s kind of hard not to when it’s all you would take about for ten minutes.” 

Steph has to cover her laugh at Kyra’s mortified face.

“Is that seriously all I talked about last night?” 

“You tend to do that. It’s actually kinda cute.” That last bit slips out before you can stop it. Now, you’re the one blushing. You decide it’s better to look out the window than to keep looking at them. Steph wanted to strangle the both of you. God, you were so oblivious. How could neither of you see that you were head over heels for each other? Whatever, you’d figure it out. Hopefully sooner than later because she had five pounds on you guys getting together before the new year. 

After landing and grabbing your luggage, just as you said, William was there with a car to bring you all to the hotel the team was staying at. Walking into the lobby, cameras point at you four. Kyra and Caitlin grin and wave goofily at them, probably saying something stupid as well. 

Steph smiles and waves happily, “Good to be home, huh?” 

You walk behind them, looking up and waving at the cameras shyly, “Alright?” 

“Hey, Y/N! Wanna do a quick interview with the other first timers?” One of the social media guys asks from behind the phone camera. Kyra stops. You look at her, uncertainty looming in your eyes. 

She nods encouragingly, “Go on. I’ll take your stuff and get your room.” 

“Thanks, Ky. I’ll see you later.” You smile and follow the man heading in the other direction. 

“So that’s the girl you like!” Charli shouts from across the lobby. 

Kyra flinches at the volume of her best friends voice, “Jesus Christ, Charli. Could you be any louder?” 

“Wanna bet?” Kyra shakes her head, not wanting to see how far Charli can take things today. “She’s really pretty, I can see why you like her.” The blonde says in a much more indoor appropriate voice. Kyra just rolls her eyes in response.

After a few good days of training and getting to know everyone, the team was in Canada. Walking onto the ferry with your hoodie drawn tight to you and your toque covering the top of your head, Kyra was bouncing off the walls with excitement and energy. 

“Kyra, for the love of God, please calm down.” Mini says, trying her best to calm the young midfielder down. Her words have no effect, Kyra continues doing laps around everyone. You were walking Sarah Hunter, another player about to earn their first cap, when Kyra gets in front of you and turns backward to talk to you. 

“Hi Y/N! Aren’t you excited about the ferry?” She asks. Her hyperness, you notice, was starting to annoy some of your teammates, specifically Caitlin, who looked on the verge of pushing her Arsenal teammate into the Pacific Ocean. 

“I am, Ky,” you lower your voice so only those close to you can hear, “But how about we tone it down, okay? We have lots of time to be excited, but maybe just chill for a few minutes so they can tell us where to go and what not, how’s that sound?” 

Kyra listens to you, she falls into step with you and speaks a lot softer and calmer. 

Mini stares on in disbelief, “Oh, Kyra is down bad. I mean, she didn’t even listen to me, but as soon as Y/N says something she’s on her best behaviour.” 

Steph shakes her head, “You should see them at Arsenal, it’s unbearable.” 

You and Sarah were in deep conversation about something Kyra couldn’t care less about. She wanted to go explore the ship, but she promised you she’d be on her best behaviour. Kyra is getting antsy and you can tell, she keeps turning her head every time there’s a new sound. You just needed to get wherever the guide wanted you guys to be and then she can do whatever she wants. Just as the team passes the gift shop, Kyra almost bolts. You catch her though, your hand intertwining with hers and securing her at your side. Kyra is taken aback by your actions and blushes profusely. 

In a break in your conversation with Sarah, you lean over and mumble into Kyra’s ear, “I know, Ky. Just hold still for a little longer, okay?” Kyra nods and presses a small kiss to the top of your head. You almost die of a heart attack right there and then. Blushing, you squeeze her hand and get back into your conversation with Sarah. 

“Holy shit, Kyra needs to man the fuck up and ask her out already,” Charli groans a few meters from behind you. Mini scolds her for her language, but silently agrees with her. 

“Fuck me,” You mutter under your breath as Canada scores, again. Surprisingly, Tony had given you and a bunch of other players their first caps. Unsurprisingly, Canada had been dominating the entire match. You were exhausted from having to run up and down the pitch for all ninety minutes. It seemed like you were the only player who wanted to attack, or defend, or do anything at all. You definitely weren’t blaming the other Matildas on the field with you, for most of them it was their first time in their nations jersey as well. You guys were also facing a team determined to get revenge and send off their hero in the right way, so that was not helping at all. What also wasn’t helping was that there was maybe five minutes left in the match, so both teams kind of switched off. No one really cared about this blowout anymore. 

Kyra was chewing on her nails as she watched another through ball to you get overhit and land straight at a Canadian defenders’ feet. She watched as you began your recovery run, eyes tracking the ball carefully. When Quinn tried to thread a ball to Prince you timed your slide tackle perfectly and intercepted the ball. The bench stood up clapping and shouting encouragement to you. Keeping the ball close to your feet, you stood back up and began dribbling into space. The defense were dropping off, determined to keep a clean sheet. Your eyes scanned the field hoping to find anyone making a run. Unfortunately, your teammates seemed gassed. So, you started to pick up your speed with the ball. Skillfully, you dribbled around Fleming and Grosso, picking your head up once again to find Tameka making a run on the weak side of the pitch. You hit the ball, aiming to lead her into the miles of green grass in front of her. She controls the ball in stride and continues driving down the wide right channel. Continuing your run, you jog up to the top of the box hoping to put any rebounds back into the box. Tameka sends a cross into the box, it heads towards the penalty spot, multiple players jump up for it. Ultimately, Gilles gets most of it and clears it out to the top of the box. Right where you are. Kyra stands up. You watch as the ball arcs in the air and starts to drop towards you. It’s as if everything is moving in slow motion. You plant your left foot into the grass, the ball drops and drops and drops. Pulling your right foot back, you wait for it to just drop a little bit more. Now. Straightening your leg, you watch your foot connect with the ball. The ball surges forward while your boot recoils from the impact. Your eyes track the ball as it soars through the air, it slips past the outstretched foot of Buchanan, Amy Sayer jumps out of the way. The goalkeeper tries her best, but it’s useless, the net ripples as the ball buries itself into the top left corner. Screaming is all you hear, you’re frozen in your spot. Suddenly, Mary is in your arms and the rest of the team is hugging you and screaming at you. 

“What a fucking legend!”

“Banger! Absoloute banger!”

“Mate, you’re actually insane.”

“First goal for the Matildas, bitches!”

Tears are welling up in your eyes as you set Mary down. Holy shit. You’ve always dreamed of scoring for the Matildas, all of a sudden that dream was a reality. Mary tugs on your hand and pulls you over to where the subs are screaming and jumping up and down. You laugh. Caitlin and Steph are the first ones to you, yelling at you that you’re a baller or something like that. After they let you go, Kyra is waiting for you. She’s got that blinding smile that you’ve always loved. She pulls you into a hug.

“I’m so, so proud of you, Y/N/N.” Her hands run gently through your hair, you sink into the hug, letting out a sigh.

“Thanks Kyra, for everything. Um, I should go though the ref looks mad.” She nods and relinquishes her hold on you. Jogging back into place, you breath deeply. Finally. You had finally done it. You were a fucking Matilda.

Present Day

The team had gathered for their annual Secret Santa party. This year, it was held at Viv and Beth’s house. All the players were crammed inside the living room, a lot of food had been consumed along with a lot of laughs being laughed. There had been a Christmas movie marathon (2 movies) where you and Kyra had found a nice spot on the couch for the two of you. There had also been a small potluck, everyone brining a small dish to share with the team. Now, it was time for the gift exchange. A few weeks ago, there had been a very formal name-drawing process. There were blindfolds and everything, you were actually kind of impressed at how serious the team took it. You had drawn Frida’s name which you didn’t really mind. You got along with her well, and you were both pretty chill so it was easy to hang out with her. Her girlfriend had helped you track down some Norwegian sweets that you know she loved, you also threw in an adorable polar bear stuffy you found at a cute gift shop in downtown, London. 

Everyone was going in a circle, unwrapping their presents and guessing who their Secret Santa was. So far, there had been some really sweet gifts and some really funny ones. Such as Katie giving Leah a toy keyboard, one that was really meant for two year olds. Katie defended herself saying, “It was appropriate for Leah’s skill level.”

Soon enough, it was your turn. You searched the small tree sitting in the living room for a gift with your name on it. Finding it, you carefully picked it up and sat back in your spot between Kyra’s legs. All eyes were on you as you gently unwrapped the gift, not wanting to be rude and just tear apart the wrapping paper. A gasp escapes your lips, hand flying to your mouth in shock. Everyone asks you what it is. You take it out of its case and hold it up for the team to see. Gasps similar to yours fill the room. A diamond necklace with your first name initial as a pendant hung from your fingers. It must have cost at least £100. You look around the room desperately, looking to thank the giftgiver endlessly. Multiple people shake their heads. Finally, you look behind you, Kyra didn’t meet even try to meet your eyes. Her cheeks were burning red, her hand rubbing her neck nervously. 

“Uh, do you like it?” You could hear the nerves in her voice. You were still a little shocked from the gift, so you stand up abruptly and grab her hand leading her towards the bathroom. 

Slamming the door shut, you whip around to look at your fellow Aussie, “What the hell? Are you insane?” Kyra flinches slightly at your tone.

“Do you not like it? Because I can return it and get you something else,” her voice was unsure. 

“Wha-? Of course I like it! I love it, I love you! But, Kyra this had to have cost a shiton, I can’t accept this as a gift.” You say forcefully, still not realizing what you had said. Kyra had heard it though.

“Wait, did you just say you love me?”

You freeze. Well, you had said that. Not on purpose, though. But, it’s not like it’s not true. Kyra tentatively reaches out and takes your hand in hers, 

“Y/N?”

WIthout even thinking you crash your lips into hers. She gasps, but eventually melts into the kiss, your lips working against each others perfectly. Her hands found their way to your hips, gripping them tightly. Your hands wrapped behind her neck at first before moving into her hair. As you tug on her hair she lets out a soft moan, giving you access to her mouth. Slipping your tongue inside of her mouth, she gently pushes you against the bathroom wall. A soft gasp at the cold tile lets Kyra detach her lips from yours and begin working her way down your neck. She presses wet kiss after wet kiss onto your exposed skin. Finally finding your weak spot, you moan her name quietly. Her perfume, her mouth on your neck, everything about her was overwhelming your senses. 

“Ky…Ky we have to stop, someone could hear us,” you moan out softly as she places more kisses on your collarbone.

“Mmm, maybe. Or we could just keep going?” She smirks playfully at you. Fuck, her smirk did things to you that you weren’t exactly proud of. Rolling your eyes, you pushed her off of you.

“They’re probably waiting for us to continue the Secret Santa. We shouldn’t keep them.”

Kyra groans and drops her head onto your chest. You laugh, and run your fingers through her hair soothingly. 

“Umm, I really like you, you know?” Her voice is muffled against you, but you heard her loud and clear.

“Oh really? I had no idea,” you say sarcastically. She slaps your chest in response. 

“Shut up, asshole.” Another laugh rumbles through your chest. 

“Sorry, sorry. I really like you too, Kyra.” She smiles lazily and leans in for another kiss. 

“Y’know, everytime I saw you I was, like, gay-panicking,” she confesses with a embarrassed smile.

“Awww, were you gay-panicking? That’s adorable.”

“Asshole.”

[ninyard]

Heyy! You said someone should ask you about Kevin under this post about Kevin's struggles from the nest of which we don't know enough... So I'm asking you about Kevin! Please tell us your Kevin thoughts! You always make very good points and I like reading your thoughts!!

cody my friend I am so glad you asked but you might regret it. i hope you're prepared from an unorganised huge convoluted MESS of a ramble

i've been thinking for a few days about this one like... what would a kevin POV look like? what is he hiding? how does he cope? WHO IS HE?

the kevin we ""know"" is a "coward", an insufferable bitch, an asshole and a hardass. other people's opinions and view of him makes up the entirety of our impression of who he is. but that's not who he is. that's just who we're supposed to believe he is.

kevin, born and bred to have this... borderline psychopathic lack of empathy, who can look his teammates in the eye after being told seth is dead or andrew is being committed and say, "what about the game?"

but when the raven's are switching districts; his sense of danger and fear is paralysing. he's three steps ahead trying to figure out how to please riko, how to keep himself safe, willing to put himself back into the centre of his abuse just to stop riko from finding him and killing him. he has to get blackout drunk to deal with any amount of riko. he's frozen with fear by being in the same room as him.

kevin knows where jean's mind and body goes to when hes panicking, knowing his worst place is right back in the nest being drowned by riko. kevin telling neil "do you know what he'll do to you?" and "he'll break you" when neil asks for his ticket. kevin's text to him before he goes into the nest, and staring at neil like he'd seen a ghost when neil returns after the nest (when he looks like the butcher). his comforting "i know what he's like" or "i know how he sees you, i know it means he did not hold back,".

kevin nervous breakdown panic attack day vs kevin smile for the cameras one track exy mind day

im so intrigued by him. how does he cope? his mother is dead, probably killed by the mafia family he was raised by. he grew up into a cult, he was only a child watching neil's father cut a man into pieces in front of him. how many other's had he seen?

how many other injuries cover his body, in places where the cameras can't see? how many rapes and assaults was he forced to watch in the nest? how many beatings was he forced to participate in? what did he have to say to jean in french that he didn't want riko to hear?

he needs someone with him all the time because of the nest. he's a "health freak" because of the nest. his sleep schedule, his anger, his anxiety.

did he say "what about the season?" re: andrew after drake because he doesn't care, or did he think "i've seen this happen too many times. and they've always kept playing,"? did he think "andrew is the strongest person i know. andrew is stronger than me. he would never let this destroy him," knowing that it has?

nobody has protected him in his life apart from the cameras and andrew.

he's scared. he doesn't know what love is supposed to look like.

he's only been a human for a year.

his scars are healing for the first time in his life and they're not being replaced by new ones, but every day he's afraid that that's going to get ripped out from underneath him. his entire life already got flipped upside down when he left the nest. of course exy is the only thing he "cares" about.

because it's the only thing that's been certain in his life, and even for those few weeks or months where he thought he would never play again, he trained and trained, and learned how to use his non-dominant hand because he can't lose this. he can't lose exy like he's lost everything else.

kevin has never had anything stable in his life except for violence and exy. now he has people he's supposed to care about, and he has to change his priorities. he has to learn how live a life that isn't fueled by self-preservation for the first time ever.

jean was only in the nest for five years; and look at him. look at what the nest has done to his social skills, his view of himself, his self esteem. look at what it's done to him, how he expects violence and contrition, coach and always waiting and waiting and waiting for the punishment to come.

kevin might not have had the same level of physical abuse that jean had, but he was there far longer. the ravens existed before him; their mindset and their abuse and their violence and their poison.

he's been drinking the raven poison since his childhood. the only difference between him and jean other than those things above is that kevin had more pressure to hide it, because he was half of the face of the ravens, half of the face of Exy; media trained or PR trained or a master at being a fraud and faking the way he speaks when he's being recorded.

kevin knows how to hide his abuse because he has always had to, and he's had quite a lot of practice at it.

kevin has only been a human for a year. kevin has only been kevin for a year.

so who is he? does he even know?

or is he just Kevin Day, Raven Fox starting striker, number two, six foot two, left handed right handed left handed, heavy racquet, stick size five? is that all he will ever see himself as?

anyways. or something like that. maybe he is just an insufferable bitch for no reason at all. who knows!

[stayconnecteed]

hi bby <3 i just saw your post and im here to request something 👉👈

i wondering if you could work something with jisung and love at first sight? idk i've been watching too many romcoms lately. it's totally okay if you don't want to write it though, love you <33

🪐˓⠀˚⠀summertime longing⠀@⠀han jisung.

bridgerton au , jisung is head over heels for you ㅤ—⠀⠀at first sight. mention of little wounds ( scratches, really ) & soonie is a paid actor hehe 🫶🏼 this is not a part of my dear gentleman oneshots & it's not proofread. i hate to write on my phone but i don't have my laptop. hope you like it, mana 🤍

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The carriage stopped, and Jisung didn't wait for the door to open before jumping out. He was late, and although it wasn't unusual, his old friend Minho would kill him if he didn't show up on time. He didn't bother to look at his pocket watch as he walked the cobblestone path of the Lee manor's entrance, flashing an apologetic smile at the housekeeper who had watched him grow up as she opened the door for him before his fingers caressed the metal knocker. The hall was empty, the only source of noise the bustle coming from the kitchen, and Jisung knew that the guests had already been moved to the garden. Minho was going to notice his absence. Shit.

He hurried through the hallways, the rustle of the fabric of his pants ringing in his ears with each step as the only soundtrack to his march, until he reached the large glass windows of the blue room. He stood in the doorway, taking a deep breath to calm the erratic beating of his heart, flattening the lapels of his suit jacket against his chest. He wanted to think that the shaking in his hands was a creation of his creative mind, but in reality it was just a side effect of his lack of social skills. Jisung closed his eyes. He didn't know why he kept arriving late to places when it made him so uncomfortable to have to enter a room full of people totally alone.

Then he realised that on that occasion the people were in the garden, and he was the one who remained in the room, and he chuckled, shaking his head. What an idiot. He would be fine. Plus, he knew the Lees — it wasn't going to be that bad.

The first to see him as soon as he stepped out onto the terrace was Lady Lee, the Earl of Gimpo, and she quickly gestured for him to come towards her, ignoring the panicked face of the man who should have announced him when he arrived. He did not have to force the smile that curved his lips in reflection of the one that the woman in front of him had, and he responded to her effusive greeting and affectionate comments with easy laughter and lots of promises of meetings with his own mother as soon as possible.

Minho and his family had been travelling all spring, and now that the first rays of sun heralded summer in its most comforting form, they had finally returned, to enjoy the few months of heat before the new season began. And Jisung couldn't wait to hug his best friend again, even if it meant putting up with all the jokes about the experience he had gained in Europe and how little he had been missed. It was part of who Minho was, all the teasing and the sharp smirks, and the least he could do was get to his welcome back event on time, which… Well, he hadn't been able to do it.

Lady Lee's attention slid from her son's friend to the man she had been chatting with before, and Jisung offered a respectful bow, trying to finally find Minho in the crowd. Until he found his broad shoulders moving in silent laughter at his companion's words. And he saw you, the companion, giggling too, covering your mouth with an expert twist of your fan, your cheeks flushed, in front of Minho. Then you looked at him, and for a minute he forgot everything about how to breathe. 

Because looking into your eyes was like listening to a melody. He could hear the quartet that Minho's mother had chosen for the event playing from the little wooden platform by the lake, but it was a completely different tune than that. Your gaze, cheerful and serene, sang of mischievous breezes swaying the treetops at will, of dances without music barefoot on the grass and of the warm rays of the sun kissing your skin. You brought the summer with you, that summer that filled him with life and hope, and as he lost himself in your bright pupils, standing among the crowd, he wondered how his heart had been able to beat until that moment when it didn't had you to beat for.

“Hey, Ji!” Minho called his name, approaching him in a couple of steps, and wrapped his arms around him in a hug. Minho was dry in words, but his actions showed clearly enough how he truly felt about his friends.

Jisung's body reacted with the force of habit, letting himself be embraced and tightening his grip on Minho, as if he was afraid that he would get back on that ship with the desire to travel the world. He couldn't allow it, at least for a long time. Or unless they went together. And after one last squeeze he let him step away, Jisung's hand firm on Minho's back, as the Lees' only son turned to you.

“This is Lord Han, as I told you,” he explained, and you bowed before him, lowering your head with a lingering smile curving your lips. Jisung wanted to kiss that smile into his mouth, but he cleared his throat instead, trying to fill his mind with other — more appropriate — thoughts.

“Milady here wanted to visit our city,” he continued, offering his hand to you, waiting for you to rest it over his, and squeeze it with a familiarity that made Jisung’s heart sting, “so I proposed to her to travel back with us and stay for a while. She was the girl I told you about in my last letter.”

The last letter that had arrived that morning, and that he hadn't read because he was arriving late.

“Then you were absolutely right, my brother,” Jisung uttered, his words withering in his tongue as he linked the word ‘propose’ between you and Minho, “you were going to try to find beautiful views out there in the world. You truly discovered the most breathtaking one.”

Minho gave Jisung a playful punch on the shoulder, his chest filling with pride, ready to affirm any compliment his friend could mutter about you, but he stopped when he saw you addressing Jisung, your voice soft and honeyed, still hidden behind your fan. 

“My lord really praised your composer skills during our trip here,” you whispered, averting your magnetic gaze from his as if you were having trouble bearing the knowledge that Jisung was observing you, completely stunned, but also desperate to have a conversation with you. “He forgot to add how much of a gentleman you were.”

Jisung accepted your words with a light blush covering his cheeks, and he raised his hand almost instantly, narrowing his eyes and waiting, until you released your hold on Minho's hand and let yours rest on Jisung's. His breath got caught in his throat as he felt the soft fabric of your gloves on his fingers, and he wanted to imagine that the way you held your own breath was also due to the touch his lips left on the back of your hand — the greeting of any gentleman. 

And just before either of you could say a single word, you heard Lady Lee scream by the terrace, absolutely stressed, and a spark of orange fur running across the grass like a shooting star in the darkest night. Minho gasped, and Jisung knew. His cats.

You were the one who took the initiative, smashing your fan into Minho's chest and grabbing the hem of your dress in one swift move, following the mischievous creature at a fast pace, ignoring the calls of the rest of the men at the event. Jisung stared at you, starstruck, before running after you. It wasn't the first time he had dealt with Minho's cats, they knew him, for them you were a stranger. It would be his fault if the animal started to get stressed and ended up hurting you. 

The hurried race took him to the forest adjacent to the Lee property, and by the time Jisung spotted you among the foliage, he froze. Your bun had come loose, your hair loose falling over your back, and you had your dress pulled too far up your thighs, fully prepared to climb the tree where Soonie was waiting, curious about what you were doing.

Jisung couldn't think. He didn't know if you had heard him arrive, but he didn't care. He could only focus on the smooth skin he was witnessing — more than he had ever seen in his life — contrasting with the colour of your dress. You didn’t seem uncomfortable being barefoot, your low heels abandoned among the thick roots of the weeping willow, one foot resting on a gap between the folds of the robust trunk and your hands holding tightly to the lowest branches. 

It would be difficult to reach Soonie, because its branch, although low, was too thin for a human, even dangerous with the way it was located above the lake. Jisung could understand why the cat had chosen that tree. He also liked the way its leaves swayed in the wind, and it really did look like a giant feline toy, but they already had scratching toys and little houses in the manor, all handmade by Minho. The adventure had to end before something went wrong.

But before he could warn you of his presence, a leaf creaked under his boots, alerting you, scaring you, and making you lose focus on your tightrope walk along the branch below Soonie's. You lost your balance completely, and Jisung saw your hands trying to grab onto something, anything, before falling into a loud splash on the edge of the lake. Jisung would have laughed if his heart hadn't jumped in his chest, if you had been someone else, if he wasn't so deeply scared that you were seriously wounded. 

He rushed over to where you were, mumbling a string of “I'm sorry’s” as you emerged from the water, taking a breath of oxygen, holding onto the hand Jisung was offering you. Your hair formed spirals in the water, floating around you, just like your dress. Jisung felt so overstimulated that he wasn't able to process how he had just gotten his pants wet, the level of the water reaching over his waist. All he could think about was that your gloves had torn, and that he was touching your skin, the soft but bloody skin of your outstretched hands, and that you were so close that he could feel your rapid breathing on his arm. 

He cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the thoughts that were popping into his head, and pulled you lightly so you could stand up. Only instead of getting angry with him, blaming him for spying on you, your lips curved into a smile, and you let out a crystalline laugh, closing your eyes and relaxing your shoulders before him. You were the picture of happiness, cheeks still rosy and your chest rising and falling against the corset at full speed. Even he felt on edge, with adrenaline bubbling everywhere. 

“There’s no need to be sorry, lord Han” you whispered under your breath, your eyes falling over him, Soonie purring above your heads. “It was a funny accident. I shouldn't have tried to climb so high.”

You weren't apologizing for running away but for not thinking about the density of the branch, Jisung noticed, and he couldn't help but widen his smile at it. He was getting lost in your gaze again, too captured by you, and everything was going too fast. He didn't know if it was good or bad, but he didn't want it to stop. Until he realised that you were getting goosebumps, and the first shiver ran through you. He cursed himself for not having acted sooner, and helped you out of the lake with difficulty, the ground on the shore completely muddy. You were cold.

Jisung avoided looking at you as he turned slightly to take off his expensive suit jacket, ready to give it to you, but when he turned to offer it, he saw that you were removing your dress. He was quick to put his jacket on you before you could continue, shame creeping up his neck and leaving a trail of blush in its wake, and you flashed a mischievous smile, fully aware.

“I’m not going to end up naked, lord Han” you assured him, grabbing the thick fabric of your dress and leaving it on the grass, the figure of your body crafted by the thin white nightgown you wore underneath, before snuggling into Jisung's warm black blazer, “you should court me first.”

Your words snapped Jisung out of the haze he was in, suppressing the urge he had to run his hands along your arms to help you warm up, and he picked up your dress and shoes from the floor, keeping his hands well occupied. He was a gentleman, he shouldn't… He had to involve you both in situations appropriate for a young lady like you. Not in an improvised swim, where you were going to end up so... God, so delicate and delicious, looking at him that way. 

He couldn’t. Not when everyone knew where you were, when Soonie was judging you two among the roots of the trees, approaching Jisung with the confidence of having found a familiar human. Before he could get any closer, you crouched down, holding out your fingers so he could smell them. It took a suspicious look and realising that Minho's cologne was still soaked in you to accept being held in your arms, sticking to your body to provide you with more warmth. 

Jisung had to remember to buy Soonie more treats the next time he visited Minho. 

“Are you coming?” you asked, oblivious to the way the vision you were was killing Jisung inside, you in his clothes, with that cheeky smile, your hair a wet mess but still looking so beautiful.

Still, he nodded, treasuring every second in his memory. One look, and you had cast a spell on him. He would follow you wherever you asked as long as you were the one to guide him. He knew he was in love, because you held his heart in your hand as easily as you had taken Minho's cat, and if you broke it it would hurt more than a bad cut with a rusty knife. He had fallen catastrophically, and was now at your total mercy. The worst part, however, was that he didn't care at all.

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[rainydayathogwarts]

I love the sound of that Spencer Reid fic, having that 180 in the readers emotions would be great to read

Our clouded ray of sunshine - Spencer Reid

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO POST ITS BEEN HALF WRITTEN FOR A MONTH AND IVE ONLY JUST GOTTEN AROUND TO FINISHING IT. Also, this is only my second cm fic and I really want to get into it more so feel free to put in a request!! For now, I’m only going to write for Emily, Spencer and Hotch :)) In my head this is around season 3 where everyone is still a bit innocent but Rossi isn’t in this one, sorry.. @fuckbananas03 @deceased-badger @jinx-it commented for B and a few of you guys told me in my asks as well, so votes decided, Spencer Reid everyone!! Summary: In which the reader is the sunshine of the BAU, but the team finds her having a breakdown in the parking lot after a case. wc: 1.8k Warnings: Mentions of murder/blood, the typical cm violence stuff, panic attack.

“I bring coffee!” You exclaim, walking into the break room the precinct let the team work in. Everyone’s eyes trail up, tired smiles forming onto their faces, as you go around the room, giving your teammates what could possibly be their last ounce of happiness. “And for you doctor.” You murmur, fishing for something in your pocket. “Extra sugar because I don’t think I’ve seen you so bitter before.” Spencer smiles, kindly taking the sugar packets from you as the others bubble with tired giggles.

“Anything new?” You ask, looking up at just about anyone who was willing to make eye contact with you. A file drops next to your coffee, which you decide to take a last sip of before opening what would inevitably be another file filled with disturbing images. “There’s another body.” Hotch says as you take a look at the images, and for a second, your heart drops. You take a sharp intake of breath, looking at whatever left can be seen of the victim. “It hasn’t been two days since the last victim. Either he’s panicking or he’s getting brave.�� You say, though your eyes never leave the image of the victim. 

She looked similar to someone you’d seen. Perhaps too similar. She had the face, the body of someone you looked at every morning in the mirror. Someone you looked at through the reflection of the glass cabinets in the small BAU kitchens while you waited for your coffee. She was you. She was you, but she was cold and bloody and, well, dead.

“...he’s getting sloppy.” is all  you catch from Derek and you nod, as though reassuring yourself. “I have a sick feeling I should have had lunch before this.” You grin sheepishly and Derek shakes his head, mirroring the grimace on your face.

“I’m going to go back to the scene of the crime. Prentiss, come with me. Morgan and Jureau, please inform the family. Reid, L/N, you stay here, see if you find anything we didn’t catch. Keep in touch.” Almost unanimously, the four of them stood up, papers moving across the table and small exchanges being shared as the room emptied out, leaving you and Spencer alone.  “Just you and me this time, pretty boy.” Even though Spencer doesn’t look up from his work, taking the file from you, you can see the corner of his mouth involuntarily tugging back into the smallest of smiles.

Truthfully, Spencer worried for you. He had watched carefully as your face dropped for the quickest moment, before your eyebrows were furrowing and you were analysing the unsub’s change of M.O. For the smallest of seconds, he had seen your eyes widen, a glossy layer of fright covering them, your nostrils flaring and lips pursing in fear and recognition. 

But you would be okay. You would be okay because you were their ray of sunshine. It was you who found the sorrow felt in others and looked to lighten their mood. You would be fine because not one day came where you’d walk into the bullpen without a grin on your face and it was scientifically proven that smiling - even though you’re not happy - boosts your serotonin levels. Or at least Spencer had read.

Though no matter how hard Spencer tried to believe in that, he knew he would eventually be proven wrong at least sooner or later. So for the rest of the case, all the way until the unsub was in handcuffs, that’s what he looked out for, though he was unsuccessful. “Everything alright?” Hotch finally asked him on the jet. In a room full of profilers, someone was bound to realise that something was off with the two of you. 

Spencer didn’t look away from you, who had taken a seat away from everyone else, though he had kept your usual space next to him free. “She’s not. Or she won’t be.” The Unit Chief followed Spencer’s eyes to where you threw your head back on the headrest and let out a deep sigh. “She saw herself in the victim, which doesn’t necessarily help someone in this field of work. And she got scared, I think.” Hotch took the liberty to occupy the space facing Spencer, though he stayed silent for a moment, observing the agent as he worried about one of his closest friends. “Agent L/N is one of our emotionally strongest agents. Whatever it is she’s going through she’s going to push through it. Whether that’s alone, or by asking for help from someone.” Hotch intently looked at Spencer who broke eye contact within an instant and willed himself to open the book in his laps, though all he could do was stare at the page he was on. 

“You know what I think?” Emily starts, another cup of searing coffee in her hands. “I think we should all go out and celebrate tonight.” Derek and JJ make sounds of agreement and Hotch gives in, admitting he could use a late dinner since he has nowhere to be. “You know I wish I could but I’m just absolutely exhausted.” You start, “And I probably need to replace the flowers I have at home. They’ve probably wilted by now.” 

“Of course Ms. Little Sunshine keeps fresh flowers at home.” Derek retorts. “Yeah, I think I’ll pass tonight too.” Spencer says, making eye contact with you for the first time since you had boarded the jet. His eyebrows furrowed slightly when you averted your gaze over to Hotch, waiting for a cue to make your way out of the jet, which he freely handed over to you as he stood up, grabbing his go-bag and making his way out. “Meet in the parking in 15, we’ll sort transport.”

You followed his lead, deciding you’d rather avoid any questions or bribes from your teammates, ignoring Spencer’s hustle to reach you before anyone else, as he inevitably dropped the book he was reading on the jet. Instead of following Hotch up the building you waited for the elevator to go down to the parking where you stuffed your go bag in the back of your car.

You’d have to remember it tomorrow.

Oh god, tomorrow. Tomorrow you’d have to wake up and drive your car here where you’d have to work another case as though nothing happened. As though for a second you didn’t think it was you in that image, practically dismembered from what the murderous, rapist, serial killer had done to the body. The body that could have been yours. The body that could be yours in the future if you aren’t careful while working in the field or just going about with your day to day life.

Fuck. 

And it’s not like you’d been kidnapped before like Reid had so truly, you were being utterly ridiculous. You inhaled deeply, head falling against the car, hands tightly clutching the handle to the door. Pull it and you’d be safe.  You’d be far enough. But your mouth dried and as you licked your lips you realised you couldn’t breathe. Your heart pounded in your chest and hands shook as you frantically tried to pull the handle back. There was no use. Tears flooded your eyes, rapidly falling down your cheeks as you started to go dizzy, your vision before you blurring. And you were flying - or rather falling, your legs giving out from underneath you, hands still tightly clutching the door handle and you were on your knees. A crying mess on your knees with your head between your arms in the middle of the parking lot, completely oblivious of your teammates pinching each other to make sure they weren’t hallucinating.

“Is that-” started Emily, looking at Derek who stood beside her, quietly nodding. "I- should we?" The silence finished the question without Emily needing to finish it, though there was no evident answer to it. They'd all been in your position at some point. A crying, sobbing, hyperventilating mess with nightmares waiting to happen that would never leave your mind.

"Leave her." All heads flashed towards Spencer, eyes tearing away from you. "You guys go on, I'll get her home." No one moved apart from Garcia who was itching to get to you and give you a big hug, though that was possibly the last thing you needed at the moment. "You hear Reid, let's go." Hotch complied, his gaze trailing to Reid's, hoping to catch his eye. When he did, he nodded at him, as though apologising for not having taken any action. The boy would either hold a grudge, flashbacks of his own torn hope for a sliver of help from anyone pumping in his blood as he needed to watch one of his closest friends experience the trapped feeling of being preyed on by an invincible predator, an unstoppable force. Or he'd just ignore him until Hotch became right; that you'd get through it and heal whether it be with his help or not. Then he'd apologise to him for his behaviour and claim that he was worried for his friend.

Once the entire team was in the car, and they drove away, Spencer started to rethink his approach. Would he scare you if he just walked over? Would you be too caught up in your own mind to realise he was there by the time he got to you?

Fuck it.

His friend needed help.

He walked over, the sound of your desperate attempts to take a deep breath becoming increasingly louder as he approached you. He could see the subtle way your fingers, still tightly wrapped around the door handle twitched upwards and how your ankled rolled uncomfortably at being on your knees for so long. He mimicked your position, kneeling down next to you, an arm hesitantly coming up to rub your back.

"Y/N? It's Spencer. I'm going to take your hand okay? And... And I'm going to put it on my chest and you're going to follow my breathing okay?" He followed his own instructions, steadying himself to breathe in and out slowly, watching closely as your body loosened its tight grip on itself to allow him full control over your sanity. Slowly, your hand still on his chest, you started to follow the movement of his chest with your own. The first breath came with a tremble in your stomach, quickly followed by a loud hiccup that shook the entire parking lot. With time, you gathered the stability to look up at your car, your second hand coming down to rest in your lap as soundless tears streamed down your face.

"We should get you home." Spencer started, a hesitant hand brushing your hair away from your face, but when you looked at him, leaping into his arms and wrapping your hands around his shoulders, his face flushed darkly, and he assumed you would be spending some more time in the dark parking lot.

[zabala0z]

This season is making me hyperventilate a lot in a fangirl sort of way (but also in a panicked way BECAUSE WHAT??)

Hi! I got 5 episodes that I freaked out over. Come and hear my thoughts. You have to.

MAG 87: The Uncanny Valley

Circus. That girl is named like Nikola Orsinov which is the same last name as the ringmaster of The Circus back in like the mid 1900’s? So I’m assuming she’s a descendant and taking up the mantle of traumatizing people. Gertrude mentioned “The Unknowing” which Not Sasha mentioned before and like Leitner. In this context, it sounds less like a title and more like an apocalypse: not a good sign. ALSO THE MUSIC.

Not much to say for MAG 88: Dig besides I don’t wanna dig. Also the calliope organ is gone. Oh god. Feels like this circus is gonna be the main antagonist this season. Unfortunately I despise clowns

MAG 89: Twice as Bright

I went insane over this episode guys. I love Jude and hate her. The description with her coworker and his new house and baby and wife, I was just screaming, “no dont kill him!! 😭😭”. And she did. Not surprised. Like every word she spoke made me viscerally uncomfortable but she’s such an interesting character.

Also she like…likes Agnes, yeah? I clocked that after reading over the transcript. I’m assuming the entity shes under is like The Desolation cause I think The Lightless Flame is just the name of the cult. Poor Jon. Bros hand is not gonna be the same. Im hoping she appears again. Interesting that Michael Crew hangs around the Fairchilds. Makes sense since like every situation they’re involved in is the whole empty/alone/open area thing. I’m still thinking the entity they’re under is The Vast because that’s what Michael said before jumping out that window and I think I’m right

MAG 90: Body Builder

JARED HOPWORTH. Why did you open a gym, bro?? Like the moment I heard, “large guy-“ my brain, “oh yeah that’s Jared”

The whole flesh torso things, I guess used to be humans but Jared decided “I think they’d look cool without their arms” so that’s why he said “too soon” towards Davenport. Marie probably stole those femurs so I’m wondering if she got the whole bone altering power???

MAG 91: The Coming Storm

Holy shit. Jesus. Oh my god. First off, Mike was so polite??? Like he offered tea and stuff. And then that kinda changed when he like full of astral projected Jon or something. Or I guess he raised the air pressure. Props to the sound effects, I love them. I liked hearing Mikes story but holy shit DAISY. I love Daisy. But girl calm down 😭 actually I can’t even blame her

I was at the temple by the way, making garlands, and listening to this was a nightmare because I couldn’t make any outward reaction. So that’s why I went to a bathroom stall and freaked as Daisy kicked the shit out of Mike. Couple things though; the fact the tape recorder keeps turning on is def a concern. Pretty sure it’s The Eye. I don’t know if it can physically do much since it…watches but that’s what I’m thinking. But why? Is it breaking the 4th wall?

Basira coming in clutch ‼️‼️ Also, Jon getting info out of people is apparently not a natural thing. Makes sense why Jude and Mike told their whole story and even remarked on how strange it was they did at the end of it. It makes sense actually. Jon is truly the main character but utilized in such a great way. Oh he doesn’t die? It’s not plot armor, it’s just the all seeing entity protecting him. Everyone tells him everything? Yeah that’s kinda his power. Love it.

So yeah! That’s everything. Pretty terrified because there’s powerful entities and I’m scared someone is going to die. If Basira or Daisy die, I will cry. Actually if anyone dies, im a very emotionally attached person

[crushedgraham]

A fic with Mercy x fem!Reader where reader is afraid of needles and only agrees to let Angela give her the shot she needs to get instead of her actual doctor? 🤍

You're My Silver Lining

sorry for the really inconsistent updating! im slowly getting through requests but work and school have been taking up most of my time 😞 enjoy :3

Training season and new recruits were right around the corner which was unfortunately your least favorite time of the year. Everything was too hot and busy but above all; you had to get your shots.

Vaccines were a top priority during these times to ward off flu's and sicknesses from the close proximities of trainees working with one another. They were the bane of your existence.

The entire process made you feel sicker than a flu would - everything from the smell of the sanitary products to the gleaming needle. Angela was the only silver lining in these situations. Before you had gotten together, you would always see your appointments as opportunities to get close to the doctor (cough only scheduling when she was free cough cough).

But lately the newer recruits have been getting a little too desperate for her attention, she was completely booked which meant you would have to get through the shots without her support - you were fucked.

Your hands fidgeted, clammy fingertips picking at the paper sheet on the medical bed. The unfamiliar environment made things worse. Once your bond with Angela grew, she started doing your shots in her office because it was a lot cozier. Now you were stuck in the fluorescent lit white room that reeked of chemicals.

The sudden knock on the door makes you jump, your heart skipping a beat as it slowly opens to reveal a younger woman in a long doctors coat.

"Hello Agent L/N, I'll be your doctor for today"

You don't meet her eyes instead focusing on her creased white sneakers. The sound of the doctor's palms rubbing hand sanitizer into the skin and the snap from her latex gloves twists your stomach in knots.

"We're just going to be doing two shots, a general vaccine and the seasonal flu vaccine."

The needle between her fingers approaches you sending ice throughout your veins. Suddenly you're panicking because who was this stranger that's trying to give you a shot? That's a task that only Angela was allowed to do. Then before you know it, you're arm is dodging the needle, twisting your body away from the doctor.

"Angela."

"Excuse me...?"

"I need Angela. Dr. Ziegler."

The doctor gives you a strange look, almost judgmental.

"Dr. Ziegler's unavailable at the moment"

"Please, just tell her my name and that it's an emergency"

The woman huffs and sets the needle back down on the sterilized tray. She throws her gloves into the trashcan and you watch her back as she leaves the room. A wave of relief washes over you and you drum your fingers lightly against the thin bed to pass the time.

When the door flings open and you see Angela with a worried expression your heart skips a beat again but this time it's from love not fear.

"Liebling? What's wrong? Dr. Choi told me there was an emergency. Are you hurt??"

She pushes herself in between your thighs, her hands run across your body to check for any injuries that might've been the cause of your outburst. Blue eyes, gleaming behind her glasses, scan your own worriedly.

"...I guess I got so used to you being there to comfort me that I forgot how scary shots normally are."

Angela gives you a look of disbelief and puts her face in her hands with a small laugh of relief. Then she meets your eyes once more with a more serious look. She pinches at your cheeks with furrowed eyebrows.

"Du hast mich erschreckt! I thought you were hurt!"

You whine and push at her hands in pain.

"I am hurt! Emotionally"

She lets out a chuckle while shaking her head. You watch as she goes through the same process of sanitizing her hands then putting gloves on.

"Righttt"

Angela picks up a new needle and stabs it into a small glass jar, filling it with the vaccine. She approaches you, sparing you a knowing look as you cower away when she places her left hand on your arm.

"Take deep breaths for me Liebling"

Your heart rate kicks up but you close your eyes and follow her instructions. Her hand moves up to caress your face when suddenly a mix of sensations flood your body. Though the sting from the shot doesn't compare to the soft kiss she quickly placed on your lips at the same time.

The doctor discards of the empty needle and returns back between your thighs. You throw your arms around her waist while burying your head into the collar of her coat.

"That was mean!"

Angela laughs while placing her own arms around your neck, mindlessly playing with the ends of your hair.

"But it was a good distraction, no?"

You don't respond because you both know she's right so you just stay there, content to lay in her arms.

"Liebling? We still have another shot to do"

"Ugh no!"

------------------------------------------------------------

Liebling - Darling

Du hast mich erschreckt - You scared me

[starkdirewolflove]

The Wheel of Time thoughts

Im really loving season 2 so far, it’s much faster paced than season 1 and we’re digging into the characters emotions and motivations more. (I haven’t read the books so this is show only).

The last episode was brilliant and had so much going on but that was really Egwene’s episode like episode 3 was Nynaeve’s episode. Watching Egwene go through so much physical and mental torture was tough but as Loial said there is steel beneath the sweet exterior and she will survive this. There are also so many of her friends planning to rescue her: Loial wants to break her out of the kennels, Nynaeve and Elayne are working out how to remove the collar and won’t leave without her, Perrin is close by with Aviendha planning to rescue his friends from the Seanchan which will include Egwene once he knows she’s there and Rand will be on his way as soon as he has his meeting with the Amyrlin Seat. One of the scenes between Egwene and Renna I found interesting was after she got Egwene to use the One Power to burn down the tree she seemed so excited and happy like they really bonded so when she told Egwene she deserved a drink but Egwene fell back in agony because she wanted to attack Renna again, her face just dropped. Like she thought they were friends now and when that didn’t happen that’s when she turned physically violent for the first time, Renna said Egwene can’t hurt her but I think Egwene’s rejection in that moment hurt and that’s when she stopped trying to “cultivate a friendship.” There is going to be such a showdown between those two when Egwene gets rid of the collar and can fight back.

Lanfear/Selene has been an interesting new addition to the cast, I knew from the first sneak peek of her scene with Rand when she tells him if he wants something to take it that she was gonna be evil/a villain but she’s a brilliant villain. Love her calling Ishamael “Ishy” and banishing him from Rand’s dreams and the way she won Liandrin over to her side instead of Ishamael. Lanfear is definitely a femme fatale and is gonna stir things up with both sides.

Liandrin seems close to unraveling now. I think she knows it’s only a matter of time before her true nature is revealed, when she said Elayne was a complication she knew her plan was fucked but she couldn’t back down. Selling Nynaeve and Egwene to the Seanchan she could’ve explained their absence by saying Nynaeve left because of what happened to her in The Arches and Egwene went with her because she was so grief stricken when she thought Nynaeve died that she didn’t want to lose her again, but having the Daughter-Heir of Andor go missing too is one lie too many. All it takes is someone to send word to the Queen asking when her daughter is coming back to the White Tower and there’ll be an uproar. We also found out a bit more about Liandrin’s backstory from Lanfear and why she hates men so much, her life sounds pretty fucked up like and then her reward for swearing to the dark was that her son gets to live but as Lanfear said “this isn’t life.” He’s sick, bedridden, too old and can’t even speak and Liandrin couldn’t watch as Lanfear mercy killed him to “set her free.” I actually gasped when I saw Liandrin at the gathering of Aes Sedai in Cairhien because it’s all gonna blow up next week with her being in the same place as Rand, Mat, Min and Moiraine as well as the two Brown Ajah Verin and Yasicca being onto her now. She looked really panicked when she was trying to find out why the Amyrlin was in Cairhien with 14 Aes Sedai.

Moiraine has been through the ringer this season, she’s trying to cope with being Stilled and having an existential crisis that everything she has been doing for the last 20 years has been wrong and only helped the Dark instead of defeating it. Like that is some heavy burdens, but I think she has being going about things so wrong this season by keeping everyone at arms length and pushing away people who care about her. I know she’s trying to protect Lan because she thinks she’s going to die in this fight against the Dark and she doesn’t want him to feel her death through the bond and end up like Stepin but she should trust him more than she has this season, he’s been her best friend for 20 years, always has her back and would literally die for her, I hope they have a proper reunion next week. There seems to be a thaw with Moiraine and her family after she apologised for how she’s been treating them, like her nephew adores her and her sister still loves her even though there’s some unresolved issues between them but they’re still going to support her even if they don’t know what’s going on. Moiraine has obviously been in contact with Siuan since there was a letter with her seal on the writing desk. It was like a scene from some Victorian romance drama watching Moiraine drafting letters to “my dearest Siuan” and then throwing them away because she can’t explain herself properly, then her sister comes in and says “The Amyrlin Seat is her with fourteen Aes Sedai and she’s demanding an audience with you.” Lol that was brilliant, Moiraine’s face was a picture of shock and surprise, can’t wait to see what happens with them next week.

Lan The Man, he’s done following orders and is taking action to protect Moiraine whether she wants him to or not. He’s been tagging along with Alanna and her warders as if they have him on suicide watch but he’s been figuring out his next move in the fight against the dark and how best to help Moiraine. I can’t believe that Alanna, Maksim and Ihvon actually thought Lan was a dark friend but their confrontation helped move things along. Alanna translated the prophecy about Lanfear, Lan found out where the Amyrlin was and got them to go with him to get her for Moiraine but he also had to tell them about Rand being the Dragon Reborn. I loved that Lan showed up at the end just outside of Cairhien to stop Rand from leaving so now everyone can share information and make a plan to fight back against Ishamael and the Seanchan.

[ayoarticulate]

so the other night i posted how i played out a scene of season three im not even sure exists to help me go to sleep

i kinda wanted to expand on what the scene was, so here it is if you want it

this is just me playing around idk if this is really happening‼️‼️

i saw someone on here or on twt say that they think he’s setting up for a dinner with syd to talk things out with her and reconnect

i kept playing off this idea, and layering it with the possibility of syd being poached by ever, and because of carmy’s recent actions (emp micromanaging bullshit), she’s truly considering it!

going into the dinner, she hasn’t decided for herself yet, but she has decided to let carmy decide for her. not by him saying yes or no, but by his reaction to her mentioning that she was talking to the man from ever/thinking about actually leaving.

so dinner starts, yes, and carmy is just rambling and going on in the way he does when he’s around syd, and she’s just getting more and more nervous. think of the review episode of season one, where when syd is yelling at carmy and leaving, you’ve got the teapot, kettle hissing going on in the back as carmy gets more revved up, same thing is happening to syd except instead of throwing something, she just blurts out that she’s thinking about leaving. just like that.

cause she’s syd and she just says what’s on her mind and it isn’t always elegant or complete. and this news just makes carmen freeze. not get mad, start yelling, or anything, just freeze. and then carmen berzatto does something we’ve never seen before

he begs. he begs and whines and begs some more cause he cannot do this if it isn’t with her. he cannot find a reason to keep this up if he’s not doing it with her, for her. so he begs and pleads and ask what can he do for her to stay? what does he have to do, who does he have to become, for her to stay there with him?

and sydney does not know what to do, cause again, who tf is this carmy?? she has absolutely never seen him respond to anyone about anything like he is right now. she knows brash asshole carmy, but not vulnerable baby carmy. so what does syd do in the midst of this? she leaves.

like… physically gets up, leaves the table, and darts out the door.

END SCENE! yeah this was… literally all i was thinking to myself to help turn my brain off and go to bed. i just like imagining carmy as someone who’ll be all these versions of himself in front of sydney, and sydney as someone who doesn’t know what to do with what that vulnerability means. not to say she can’t handle it or doesn’t think it’s okay, but she simply doesn’t know what to do with it when it comes from him.

also i think i had an idea right before i went to sleep where he has another panic attack?? and i liked the contrast because last season she was what stopped his panicking but now she’s the cause? or something like that idk

[back2bluesidex]

Idk if this is something you’d want to read but after reading your post about being lonely, i definitely feel the same way 😅 albeit probably a little different. I dont really have anyone to talk to about this feeling so i thought maybe i’d share this. I just started a seasonal job in retail at 22, ive never had a “real job” because since i was 14 i was considered the “family babysitter” & once i turned 16 i kept applying for jobs so i didnt have to keep babysitting, nothing worked out because i was always met with “you need more experience “ & i kept getting that until i was 20 (when i just gave up & accepted I’ll probably be a babysitter for family/family friends forever 🥲). Ive only really been surrounded by kids & family, my mom took me out of highschool in my 1st year because she hated the public school system & decided to “homeschool” (which was go get my ged at 18), so i never got to experience the highschool life & friends, i was pretty isolated. Aside from getting rejected from jobs constantly, i wasnt able to go to college after either because it was too much money & that “nobody would be at home watching kids”. So ive just constantly felt very alone & whenever i would mention it i was met with things like “dont be selfish. you should be thankful youre not out there in the world, it’s evil” etc etc. Along with the fact i dont know how to drive, i had a huge fear whenever i was 15/16 so i never learned then but when i was 18 i didnt have that anymore & wanted to. I was constantly trying to get people to teach me, but no one would and driving school costs a ton which i didnt have bc no paying job. That added on to that feeling & i kept feeling behind

So fast forward to now at 22, i was finally able to get a seasonal job at victorias secret and nov 4 was my first training day. I still have that feeling & now im just stressed about everything. They immediately put me on cash register & very vaguely explained things to me, so i wasnt the best when trying to check people out & i know in retail you’ll get horrible customers sometimes and that’s literally all i got. I was so overwhelmed & i did accidentally mess up someone’s change (which was fixed!) so i had them screaming at me 2 hours in my first training day. And i cant stop thinking about how inadequate i felt during that & that whole day really. I would get judgmental looks from the other workers when i would ask questions, because ive never done anything like this before. I kept getting looked at like i was stupid for not knowing things & that messed with me (still is). I dont think itll be like that entire time im there, im hoping at least.

And i still dont know how to drive, i tried once this year from my older sister but she started grabbing the wheel when i was trying to drive because she panicked (i was going in a straight line in a empty parking lot) & stated she’s never trying to teach me again. My younger cousins learned how, have their license and new cars already & i hate that i feel jealous and angry about it because it is family, but everyone who helped them constantly told me they couldn’t with me year ago & still now. I get subtle remarks of “your cousins can drive already/youre 22 & relying on others to drive you” etc. (they also all have jobs already & not a seasonal one like me) But yeah, i feel so alone & inadequate at literally everything, have for years. Breakdown all the time because i have no clue on what to do & i have no one to talk to about it.

Rant over, sorry for how long it is, im probably being dramatic too, there are people who have it worse than i do 😅 but yeah, i get that feeling! I do hope you feel better better about it 🫶🏻🤎

Don't say sorry! It's alright. Rather I am glad that you found me and my blog safe enough to share your troubles with.

and let me tell you that you are just 22. You still have a whole lot of time ahead to make money, to learn driving, to make friends, to enjoy life and do everything you want to do.

Don't ever think you are late or that time is slipping away from your clutches! It's not.

I am 25 and I can't even cook. Can you believe it? a 25 year old woman who can't even fry an egg properly while cooking is a basic survival skill? my friends can make a whole feast if they want to and I only know how to boil some instant noodles. At times this made me feel like an inferior too but no, none of us are inferior to one another because what I can't do - you can and what you can't do - I can. we are all lacking and it's okay.

Also, if those people made you feel like a fool just because they didn't train you properly then it's their fault, not yours. when you start working you need to learn one thing that is to make you skin thick. It's only you who needs to know the truth - that it's not your fault - and the rest of the world can go fuck off.

and what if you did some mistakes? we all are allowed to do so. mistakes are the only way we get to learn, isn't it?

So, please, darling. Cheer up! You have a ton of time to buy that car or get that job or tell people to fuck off when they ask you to watch their kids. Things aren't over yet. You are doing good. You will do even better tomorrow and one day you will be the best! I believe in you and I am proud of you!

even though I know we are basically strangers but just know this person right here, an elder sister to you, will always be proud of you no matter what!

if you want to talk, slide into my inbox any time. I will always welcome you!

Love you!! 💕💕💕💕

P.S: You should have charged for those babysitting sessions.

P.S.S: I, too, don't know how to drive. LMAO!

[branmuffins22]

of all the things to just not bring up again about the events of kings tide, im surprised to see that luz being very nearly petrified didnt make that cut. like, she was seconds or less from being irreversibly turned into a statue, while nobody was around to help, completely at the mercy of belos.

sure, we saw this once before with eda, at the end of season 1, but shes a full grown adult, with a lot more experience being transformed against her will (what with the curse and all), and she had at least a whole day to come to terms with her impending demise, not to mention the years shes known she had it coming.

not luz. shes a child, the closest experience she had to this body horror was when she bodyswapped with eda for an afternoon, and she had maybe a minute, tops, between when her petrification was started on a whim and when it wouldve been complete. she was just a kid trying to convince an old bastard to stop his religiously-motivated genocide.

and somehow, she kept a cool head, cool enough to find a way out, cool enough to talk her executioner into stopping, and cool enough to turn the situation around on him right afterwards, flawed though that plan ended up being.

luz seems to have become the kind of person to be remarkably calm and competent under life-threatening pressure, only to pass that dread into the future. we saw this near the end of season 1 when she managed to walk all the way from the emperors castle to the owl house before finally breaking down, again when she was run ragged at the blight expo before coming home and crashing, and another time when she broke down as soon as the action stopped after the trip into the emperors mind.

ever since the end of season 1, she hasnt done a lot of panicking under duress like she used to do (like running away during the duel at the covention, and running from grom, to name a few), but she almost always brings it up again eventually, from her pride over the piece of the emperors mask she chipped off in their first fight, to the constant angst about the revelations in hollow mind, she clearly processes the emotions from those scenarios eventually.

not so with her petrification.

i suppose i can chalk it up to another casualty of the cut, but its really a huge shame that all we get to worry about from the events of kings tide is "the child god is running loose on the boiling isles while were stuck on earth, unable to ensure the safety of our loved ones", and then theres the whole new/old thing of belos somehow still being around, and it just feels so disconnected from that plot.

their time on earth couldve been a deeply emotional unpacking of all the stuff theyve been going through while they try to make it back, mixed with whatever adventures can be had, repeated failures and lingering repression leading up to luz's attempted narrative suicide, but instead we got "look how sad this all is, but look at all the fun times weve had, but now look how much sadder luz still is than everyone else, despite all those fun times we just showed you, and wOAH WATCH OUT! BELOS!"

idunno, one of the biggest reasons ive gotten into fanfic in the last month has been to explore the emotional consequences of all that stuff. one of my favorite oft-overlooked traumas is that luz had to endure the encroaching effects of a rather horrific death while simultaneously lying her way out of it, succeeding by such a small margin that it may as well have been a fluke that she survived at all. lots of potential for angsty nightmares and such, but none of it explored.

[omophagic-beast]

TELL ME ABOUT THOSE PODCASTS!!! TELL ME WHY YOU LOVE IT AND WHY IT STUCK OUT!!!!!!!!! I LOVE PODCASTS!!!!!!!!

my friend, you have activated my trap card in such a major way, this is the special interest that has me writing a dissertation in one of my friends discords, they had to quarantine me in a thread because of how much I love Archive 81. I'll be quarantining myself below a read more so I dont clog up dashes.

Archive 81 is a podcast about ritual, stories, and sound. It's also a REALLY, REALLY BAD NETFLIX SHOW. DO NOT WATCH THE NETFLIX "ADAPTATION", PLEASE. (this is whats in the discord thread, by the way, a currently ongoing compare and contrast of the podcast and the show where im breaking down why the show is so truly fucking terrible)

There are currently three seasons to A81, and two miniseries that exist between the second and third season, and after the third season. All are equally important and I sincerely recommend listening to each season in order, and not skipping the miniseries. However, each season is very different from the last, so I will pretty much be focusing only on season one to avoid spoilers.

Archive 81 season one is about Daniel Powell, a capital G Guy who has just taken a job with the Housing Historical Committee of New York State to digitize some old tapes. If you've listened to The Magnus Archives, this premise may sound familiar to you, and I promise if you enjoyed that podcast you'll like A81 as well.

I think that the first episode of A81 is a masterclass in setup, and really I can talk about it forever but you should just go listen to it, it's only 16 minutes long and seriously sets everything up so, so well. But I'll go over the basic premise here, partially because I really do just like talking about it.

First episode Dan gets set up by his boss, a condescending man named Davenport, in his new temporary home: a concrete bunker in the middle of nowhere with no internet and limited cell service. Sounds super normal and not sketchy At All! Oh, also the stocked food consists of mainly canned peaches, there's no sheets on the bed, and the power goes out intermittently. Again, just ideal living conditions.

And there's one more thing! Dan has to be recorded, constantly. 24/7.

So he's set up and immediately set to work, Davenport leaves and Dan slots in the first tape.

This is where we meet Melody Pendras, a journalist working for the Urban Preservation and Development Department of New York State and god, don't these departments and committees just sound so official?

All of Melody's tapes take place in the mid-90s and contain a series of interviews that she conducted in the Visser Apartments in New York. See, the apartments are kinda... weird. To put it mildly. There's voices that disappear when you turn the corner, music that comes from nowhere, and a cult run by someone named Samuel.

See, this is where I have to geek out a bit about the first episode in particular. Its, *insert hand flaps here* its so good.

The first tape that Dan puts is Melody's first time going in to Visser. She introduces herself, the apartment, and gives us the beginning of her story. The second tape Dan puts in is Melody's last time going in to Visser. She's panicked, talking about Samuel and how hes evil and a boiler room and how shes got a plan and -

the tape cuts off, damaged, warped, something.

This is how the story hooks Dan, showing him it's beginning and almost-end. Leaving him to figure out it's middle and the mystery of what actually happened to Melody.

At the end of the first episode, we meet Mark. Mark informs us that what we just listened to was a tape sent to him by Dan, before Dan went missing. He's not sure what to do, but is hoping that, by putting these tapes out here, someone who knows something will come forward.

This is how the story hooks us, showing us it's beginning and almost-end. Leaving us to figure out it's middle and the mystery of what actually happened to Dan.

And that's the first season. We, the audience, parallel Dan the whole way through. Its just, so good, for reasons I, again, don't want to spoil. But this parallel becomes important in The Golden Age, the miniseries between the second and third season.

Speaking of the second season, this is why I think the switch was so jarring to a lot of listeners. The first season gets us to relate to Dan so closely because we are him in a way, and the second season breaks that parallel. Well, this and the uhh. cough. there's a community created content warning document for the show, and the second season required a breakdown of body horror into four different types. so. yeah. If you're not a fan of Bad Meat Noises, it... may not be for you, sadly (season 2 is my favorite season).

The third season I will talk a bit about because it again turns a 180 to the point where a brief summary is not much of a spoiler. This is partially because Dan is not our main character! Instead we get to meet Nicholas and Christine, half-siblings who are attempting to preform a ritual left by their horrible occultist father.

When I say season two is my favorite it is by the smallest margin. I adore this whole entire show so, so much. Including the miniseries. The third season is fucking excellent, and if you find yourself turned off by the second season then honestly go ahead and scooch up to the third, with a stop at The Golden Age on the way. You'll be a bit confused, but ok.

There are also transcripts of the show available (the lovely unofficial ones which are fantastic but not finished, and the official ones) if you don't want to listen to the Bad Meat Noises but don't mind reading them, however I really strongly recommend against this. Sound is a huge part of the show (rituals, stories, and sound, remember?) and the sound design is really good.

Again I can talk about A81 all day, and when I finish my lecture on the podcast versus the show (evil, terrible) I'll clean it up and post it on here, because I'm actually rather proud of it so far and I'm not even halfway through my talking points.

Hopefully this has convinced you to give A81 a try! Seriously, the whole first season is 10 15-18 minute episodes, you can chomp through the whole thing in an afternoon.

Thanks for giving me a space to talk about it :3 <3

[lexishoney]

How do you feel about Lexi's play?

i support that. i'm not defending it like it was the best scene in whole season 2, and i'm not hating it, but i agree with one thing (controversial take): cassie deserves that, also people didn't get it that this was about them (maddy, nate, cassie etc) so-

(yeah screen from yt, because i couldn't find gif or photos with og subtitles)

so if cassie just sat the fuck down, nobody would even think this is play about lexi's little friend group, and if somebody gonna use argument that euphoria girlies are popular in their school, stop acting like other students would care what popular kids do 💀 (or this is american school thing and i don't understand this, idk im slavic and nobody cares what the fuck dramas is happening between your friends)

"lexi doesn't have to do this in front whole school" you guys sound like you don't know cassie this season. she just cries herself off, when she is faced with consequences of her actions (rue telling maddy about cassie and nate)(her panicking when she met maddy during new year's party after she fucked her ex) and all of this happened when she was called out by her close people.

i would have problem with lexi showing cassie's fucking stupid actions if she never called her out before when they were alone, but lexi tried to talk with cassie and she spilled facts about what cassie done wrong.

and y'all stop acting like cassie isn't capable of having control over her own life and her own decisions.

[rueitae]

Season 1, Episode 8 the lucky cat caper for @csweekly

Another of my favorite episodes almost entirely thanks to Chase Devineaux and his beloved coat. RIP

The screen is SATURATED in red the ENTIRE exam. Trying to show that Black Sheep was SAFE even if she didn’t realize it at the time.

I find it a neat detail that Carmen here isn’t looking to see if she has the dollar until she’s tried several pockets and has stopped to rest. The scene is really effective for me to show exactly how good she is.

More of Player and Carmen talking through nightmares for their health, please. How many times has this happened before and where are the fics. In general I crave to see more domestic in between caper scenes like this. The downtime. On that same vein, love the insight into the team that the whole scene provides. Player just literally hangs out on the phone with Carmen all day, just for fun. Presumably this is what they always do. Nice reminder that capers aside, they are still each other's best friend and they want to hang out.

CARMEN WANTS TO SPOIL HER FRIENDS. I love the entire auction sequence because probably unsurprisingly her love language to others is gifting/acts of service. Zack’s favorite movie? Yeah let’s get him the car because he’s my driver and I can’t wait to see his reaction. Player wants to spontaneously take up stamp collecting? Yeah I’ll get him the one of a kind stamp to START. Yeah I love Carmen loving her friends. This episode is so chalk full of between the lines team red bonding.

IM SORRY. THE SHOE kills me every time. Season 1 Chase is such a good fumbling foil. I love him so much. He’s on the right track usually but soooooo wrong. Julia again has such patience that she really shouldn’t have to put up with. She’s the most right track but everyone around her has blinders on. Otherwise this show wouldn’t be near as long lol.

First episode with Mime Bomb in the field! He’s such a funky dude. Nice to see that the Faculty have become proficient in mime for him. They took a while to get what he was saying in the opening episodes but now Maelstrom gets him right away. There’s a fic in there somewhere with several (probably creepy) one on one sessions between the two.

I really love that the Cleaners actually clean throughout the show lol. They don’t seem to mind. Probably my favorite of the VILE operatives. They’re just so. Done. Dangerous. Chill.

AND they pause for TEA and gossip. As in Coach Brunt and Shadowsan tensions. Love these guys.

No one backs up Brunt that VILE is family. Like yeah she can live in her own little world. It’s such a pity the show wasn’t able to explore this fully you can see the set up. They wanted to do something and it needed another season to bring it around.

FINE FINE SEND WHOMEVER. The Faculty are simultaneously the cruelest and absolute silliest people on the planet. I love them muchly. Their interactions with each other tickle me to bits.

Assuming The Troll has always been with VILE (since Shadowsan is aware of his existence), he totally made that bomb icon for the tracker app.

Mime Bomb is super clever honestly, to do the bait and switch like that. He uses Tigress and the cat and the store to make a clean getaway (at least from Carmen) WITH the stamp. The entire sequence of events in this episode is extremely entertaining. There’s so much cool stuff going on, either paralleling a previous episode or something new and fun.

Love the shop owner lol. Takes everything in panicked stride.

Chase and Julia are SO close. (Look at that lack of keycard) I'm amused that Carmen gets to witness part of that. And speaking of this interrogation scene, I do think of the interrogation scene from Detective Pikachu every single time I watch this episode. Then I double over laughing.

ON BASTILLE DAY

And the stamp goes into the lucky coat. I'm always in awe of so many moving parts to this episode that all tie neatly together at the end.

When I first watched this i really thought that Carmen would get there in time but Chase’s coat getting shredded is better because then we get one of the best deliveries of any line in the show. The *cracked sob* of SHE iS VICIOUS AND CRUEL is magical. Please appreciate this with me.

Even VILE makes sure their operatives use a seat belt.

LOOK AT HOW HAPPY ZACK iS. And how he wants to replicate the movie he is absolutely a top notch driver but he is a cinnamon roll. The duality of Carmen’s focus and Zack’s childlike delight makes me so happy. And then when he gets into serious mode LOOK at Carmen. She’s halfway convinced she’s not going to make it lol. Take notes, Carmen does not like not being in control of a situation that makes her uncomfortable. She’ll fall off buildings but when she’s being driven somewhere in a high stress situation she fears for her life.

For the record, I hope team red watches the whole Rogue Vendetta series for movie night.

Also the music in this sequence slaps.

“THIS IS EXACTLY WHY IM NOT INVITING YOU ALONG. I CANNOT BE SLOWED DOWN BY CAUTION WORDS” This man. These writers. Off the wall bonkers great.

“The woman beams herself from a fountain pen she can do anything.” Fhfhfgcff

What car number is this again the ongoing joke is superb.

The amount of upper body strength from both women to climb the bridge.

So cool that it’s all parallel to the exam and Carmen gets to sorta put her nightmares to rest. Just in time to have new nightmares next week! :D

I like how the Cleaners just stand by with their metaphorical popcorn and shine a spotlight. Running theory is that they just like the drama.

She got the phone too! I love this ending. Carmen got validation on her own, she doesn’t need the answer over the coat. Even though she gets it next episode haha. It’s freeing though for her to get some resolution here. She’s not dependent on Shadowsan’s reasoning in preparation for the next episode. It’s the message that she’s continually freeing herself from VILE every day.

Oh boy oh boy I can’t wait for next week. The angst monger in me is SALIVATING.

[confusedspaceotter]

Daily avatrice analysis (day 5)

day1 day2 day3 day4 day5 day6 day7 day8 day9

Oh analyzing ep 8 is going to get personal because of the coming out scene 

I’ve already decided to split Ep 8 into 2 parts because there is just too much to cover 

today i’ll mainly focus on the first half of ep 8

and I’ll talk about the rest tmr

So

Ep 8

we start with the beginning of the episode where the gang is reading the warrior nun journal 

got nothing deep about the scene but I do believe part of ava is this vine:

At least I am(the way kty say Et defunctis requiem IM WEAK)

anyway moving on 

I think there are a few reasons why Ava seems so eager to proof herself here

One

As someone who was quadriplegic, she knows what it’s like to be powerless and weak, since she spent most of her life receiving help from others

Makes perfect sense she’s she will jump into action the moment she got a chance to proof to herself that she is useful 

Two

She wanted to fulfill her job/destiny as the halo bearer 

Leaning from the journal, she realized how serious this is and she is the only one that can stop it

(You know things are serious when Mary said oh shit

Third

She wanted to protect her new found family(mainly Beatrice 

“If we get rid of Duretti, we can get the OCS back together.”

Will Ep 1-5 Ava cared about the OCS?

Probably not 

This is why ep 6 is so important to Ava’s character 

She needed to see the good that OCS is doing 

And not just some high trained nuns who’s after the thing on her back

That’s why she came back to the Cat’s Cradle

To help innocent people by accepting that she IS the warrior nun now

And it’s what happening here as well

Before we get into the training scene 

Two thing i wanna point out 

One

Absolutely love the way this guard go "oh shit she’s here again she better not break my table this time"

Two

Who the fuck give permission to Ava/Alba to look this good in that leather jacket????

Since the jacket is a tad bit oversize I’m guessing that’s Mary’s?

I would like to headcanon this happened:

Ava: *visible shivers from the cold*

Mary: *yeets the jacket to ava* 

Or it could go like this as well:

Ava:*visible shivers from the cold*

Beatrice: *notices Ava shivering* Mary? Do you have a spare jacket?

(either way i love this jacket i want it)

Now moving on to the actual training scene

say it with me ava silva is not only a genius but also a comedic genius 

(we love traumatized character who use humor as a coping mechanism) 

look at how precious Ava is 

her little whoo baby girl is so proud of herself

and so is Bea apparently 

love this genre of Avatrice where Bea smiling because of Ava’s smile ughhhh

Moving on to the next training scene

we can see supportive gf Beatrice

even when Ava is panicking all she did was to remain her composure and give her clear directions on how to get out 

even though she is probably worried sick on the inside as well

If avatrice have a timeline 

here is where Bea knows she definitely cares about Ava a tad bit much 

but she still trying to convince herself is platonic and she is just doing her job by taking care of Ava

I mean do friends cup each other's faces as gently as Bea did here???

Also the way Ava eyes lingers on Bea is something so personal to me

after she rushed towards Ava the first things she does is to touch her face

physical touch is definitely an Avatrice thing

and is such a vital part of their relationship because is how they communicate with each other

is them subtly asking: "hey you good?" and answering "yeah im good"

which we will see a lot more in season 2

Here we can see bea hesitates to help Ava up/touch her

feels like Bea was so worried about Ava after she cupped her face she panicked a little 

I think she is like “oh wait that's a little fruity in it”

and that's why she retracted her hand here

imo once you repressed you emotions it doesn't just go away in an instance 

it takes time to open yourself up again

which i think she did in season 2

but for now, Bea probably still views her feelings towards Ava as something she shouldn't have

Still doesn’t stop her from calming Ava down though putting her hand on her back tho

what can I say Avatrice is endgame from the beginning 

After Jillian said that she had been able to amp up the halo’s output 

notice how Bea was gonna say something?

she look almost hopeful for a second 

like she is glad they had found a solution to their problem 

truly live up to the name “the strategist of the group”(which i just decided to call her that)

btw side note

I love how Bea talks slower compared to other characters

because she really did think it though about what she is going to say

and we can see that in scenes where the gang is grouped up together to discuss something

you can tell she is always trying to find the best solution and consider all the possible angles

compared to Ava "punch first ask questions later" Silva

Avatrice is such endgame material because they fit so well

today feels like me fangirling over avatrice then an analysis but oh well

tmr we are going to get emotional and talk about possibly my favorite coming out scene in media 

stay tuned :)

day6

[carpehistoryandthepens]

So I don’t have any inside knowledge or anything but from what I know about the PWHPA, their goal has always been to have a sustainable women’s league that could be a full time option for female hockey players, like the NHL, where no one needs to have a day job/another job to pay the bills because they’re making a living from hockey and players don’t have to worry about fitting in practice times really early in the morning or late in the evening around other things. From everything I’ve heard and read, they wouldn’t be taking these steps unless they felt confident that they had a long term league option that would pay at least a good living wage and likely more, have health insurance, a CBA, and all that. It might take a little bit to get everything sorted out but I have full confidence (and also a feeling that the ‘contracts being voided’ is legal terminology/reporters trying not to be wrong and that people will have new contracts soon, but the whole structure of everything is currently changing)

ahhh thank you for trying to calm me down. I need it.

That's true, and that's why i was happy for the pwhpa when they announced their own league. i felt like they were taking a route they believed in. and i wanted to see them grow!! i wanted to find a team in their new league to cheer for!

i thought that the phf was working toward that goal - to make Woho sustainable -, too but taking a different route. Much like the women's rights movements in the US in the 1900's. (sorry, historian: one organization went via the states and the other went federal gov and both hated each other for a long time before one got absorbed into the other..... oh ..)

i was that 'oh boy two cakes!' comic to be honest.

im just worried panicking a little over something that will not be clear tonight. yeah, the voided language sounds like legalese and the results for contracts will probably be better for the players. but....

but im more worried about the players who made it to the pfh and signed - thinking they would play next season - are now out in the wind. less teams and players?! the phf was growing, not shrinking!

i would love it if tomorrow it comes out that its seven more teams, each with a roster of 23 players. and the pwhpa players get priority slots on those teams. That would be nice.